Just like in the days of yore, he dances for his bread. Much respect, you magnificent creature.

If your boss or spouse walks in and sees any of these filling the screen to sounds of ecstasy, there’s pretty much no good explanation.

7) Inflatable or Vacuum

6) Vintage. Not like 19070’s, 60’s or even 50’s… like 1920’s vintage porn. All sped up lookin’, without sound and lots of swirling boas.

5) Furry. You know, people dressed as cartoonish half-animals. You know. Right?

4) Where they bathe in noodles. Noodle-porn.

3) Doesn’t look good when you’re caught enjoying anything which features household products covering people’s heads: saran wrap-face, paper-bag head, etc.

2) “That thing with the lemons.”

1) Grannies with Trannies

Stick to nice normal porn, like bondage, schoolgirl costumes, and the occasional feather-tickling and you should be fine.

Monty Python gets a lot of credit for being one of the funniest comedy groups in history, but the website  www.aaaugh.com also credits them with what it considers to be “The World’s Worst Joke”.

From Monty Python:

Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung!

What do you think? Worst ever?

If you have a worse joke, please let us know. We love to hear things we don’t enjoy.

Question is… How much do I like PEZ candy?

Some advertising guy somewhere must have really loved pop-up books as a kid, because when he got older he invented pop-up ads. These are the intrusive, obtrusive ads that open windows on your computer, blocking your screen so you have to consider buying their product.

My question is, why don’t pop-ups sell things I want? Who is wasting the massive amounts of money trying to sell things none of us obviously want. I mean, I close all my pop-up ads. Doesn’t everyone? Testosterone. FICO scores from irreputable banks you’ve never heard of.  Virus Software ads with no way to close the window other than a hard reboot. Gambling. Sex. Weird products. That’s all you get.

Can’t I get a pop-up offering me a 50% off sale on televisions from BestBuy? Or maybe Mercedes Benz has a buy-one, get-one-free weekend. That would deserve a pop-up. Even a pop-up about donuts from my local donut store would make me happy.

The thing is, I see so many useless products pushed at me in pop-ups that my resolve is weakening. I need help or else very soon I may actually buy some of these things.

A  set of imitation horse-hair men’s wigs?

Sure, why not.

A supply of special freeze-dried nibs from some South American bush, guaranteed to change mind/body/soul by 40%?

Here’s my credit card number.

Bouquet of fleshy, latex ‘realfeel’ calla lillies?

Gotta have ‘em!!!

You can see how it becomes addicting. There’s a rush to buying something you don’t need at all. just today I was asking myself what would happen if you replaced testosterone which wasn’t missing in the first place? We’ll find out in 6-8 weeks, I guess.

Anyways, I’d love to talk more, but a very intriguing window just opened and it asked if I like money… Do You Like CASH?

Yes, sir, I DO!!!