Man Puts Feet On Coffee Table

(Des Moines, Iowa)

Yesterday at approximately 4:13pm, Dennis Geary of Lower Farn, Iowa placed his feet on the family coffee table as he watched a commercial for a local fireworks business. At the time, he was seated in the living room with to his wife, Emmeline, sister-in-law Alice, and the neighbor’s overweight teenaged son, Norb, who always hangs around their house

When the incident occurred Mr. Geary was still wearing the boots he had on from feeding the Geary family farm’s 300 chickens that morning.The boots left a small smudge on the leftmost edge of the table, near where Norb had chipped it once by throwing a tennis racket.

Emmeline, who tries to keep good house, has fought tenaciously to keep guuests’ feet off the furniture in her home. After noticing Mr. Geary’s boots on the table, she chased him from the house. Alice commented on his manners and Emmeline’s choice in men. Mr. Geary spent the rest of the afternoon and evening in the barn with his chickens.

The table, bought in 2007 for $24.95 during a sale at Wal-Mart, sustained light damage. Efforts to clean it succeeded easily, but the wounds and rankled nerves won’t soon be forgotten in this quiet town. Locals have been divided in their support on the incident, with local Elk Lodge #43 supporting Mr. Geary. The lower Farn Lady’s League, and some of the shops in town have sided with Emmeline.

Norb is undecided.

We will update you on this breaking story as developments occur.