Category — Lists

If your boss or spouse walks in and sees any of these filling the screen to sounds of ecstasy, there’s pretty much no good explanation.

7) Inflatable or Vacuum

6) Vintage. Not like 19070’s, 60’s or even 50’s… like 1920’s vintage porn. All sped up lookin’, without sound and lots of swirling boas.

5) Furry. You know, people dressed as cartoonish half-animals. You know. Right?

4) Where they bathe in noodles. Noodle-porn.

3) Doesn’t look good when you’re caught enjoying anything which features household products covering people’s heads: saran wrap-face, paper-bag head, etc.

2) “That thing with the lemons.”

1) Grannies with Trannies

Stick to nice normal porn, like bondage, schoolgirl costumes, and the occasional feather-tickling and you should be fine.

Monty Python gets a lot of credit for being one of the funniest comedy groups in history, but the website  www.aaaugh.com also credits them with what it considers to be “The World’s Worst Joke”.

From Monty Python:

Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
A: Dung!

What do you think? Worst ever?

If you have a worse joke, please let us know. We love to hear things we don’t enjoy.

This is a list of Terrible Names for Music Bands. I invented these, so please don;t use them for any actual bands. Also, they are terrible so it’s a bad idea if you want to use them. Then again, look at the success you can have with names  like Lady Gaga, Lady Antebellum, Rhianna, Black Eyed Peas, and Ke$ha. So, maybe you could use these after all….

TERRIBLE BAND NAMES

1) The Proton Jorell

2) Grand-Ninny Funk

3) Whassa-tron

4) Eight Sco-bags and their Sco-bleezer

5) The Pig And The Man

6) The Banjoeers

7) Tight Ukes

Y S Y?

9) Avoid Your Angry Girlfriend

10) Plop

11) Mind The Crap

12) One Note Repeated

13) Yar! (Actually, that one’s kinda good)

14) WTF (that’s kinda good too, actually)

15) The No Refund Band (credit to, I think Deron or Meghan for the idea of an Improv troupe with this name)

Okay…  I’d love to see what you can come up with for bad band names. Any ideas?

Bad Bands Deserve Names Too

Bus Stops Attract Crazy

When you are standing alone at a bus stop, sometimes things slip out. Thoughts. Things that probably aren;t meant to be blurted out loud, but they are. When people notice you saying this stuff to yourself they think you’re crazy. Here are some of those things you shouldn’t say.

10) If I didn’t WANT bananas, I wouldn’t have BOUGHT bananas.

9) If that shoe hadn’t been stuck up there, then maybe… maybe he woulda had a chance.

8 ) No, I shouldn’t kill people.

7) I look like Lurch.

6) You can’t make me.

5) Fuck you!! (angrily, thinking of a family member or partner who has pissed you off)

4) 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1… (then look at them)

3) Simon waits here at the bus stop like he was told.

2) Lip. Lip….. Lip.   Lip read. Lip r-e-a-d-e-r-s. (long pause) Lips.

1) Heartbeat one. Heartbeat two. Heartbeat three. Heartbeat four. (and so on.)

Bonus Material:

11) Excuse me. (to no one).

12) If anyone asks me to move again I’ll tell them no again.

13) How did I get here.

14) Yip-yip-yipeee! Yet-yet-yetiiiiii!

15) (with annoyance) No one has brought me my frappuccino!

16) Errrm, ughhhm, rrmmrmm devil rrmrmm uhhhmmmm mrrrrmmmm.

17) I talk to myself until you do. I talk to myself until you do. I talk to myself… (repeat)

18) If no one looks me in the eye it won;t happen again.

19) (if there are only two of you at the bus stop) How are all of us people going to fit on the bus?

20) I like to talk my words.

Avatar Movie Poster

10) If a gardener died and went to heaven, would it pretty much be Pandora?

9) What would porn look like in IMAX 3D?

Do the Omaticaya mate with their little blue ponytendrils?

7) Who would win a staring contest between Col. Miles Quaritch and Sauron’s Eye?

6) How much blue paint will sell the week of Halloween 2010?

5) Is Avatar the biggest budget film ever made without a single discernible product placement, and will there be a Pandoran location of McDonald’s in the sequel?

6) Am I the only one who is weirded out by how big that girl-alien was compared to “Jake-soo-lee” when she cradles his human form like a tiny infant? Hello, Amazonian woman fantasy much, James Cameron?

5) How is it possible that Sigourney Weaver was more attractive as an alien than a human? Especially with that 80′-style cutoff red top. Retro-alien hot.

4) At some point or another in his life, James Cameron must have come across something that he has reacted to by calling it “too weird”. What the HELL must THAT thing have looked like if the stuff in Avatar is normal to him?

3) Was everyone else also envious of the flying stuff and wish they could be flying on those dragony things too? (Ikran?)

2) How many times is normal for a man to cry in a movie? Not counting Titanic.

1) If they found enough Unobtainium so that they had lots and lots of it for everyone, would they change its name to Easilyobtainium?