L.A. Job Scam FAIL

As you may or may not have known, Joe was nearly forced to dress up in a cocktail dress and sell his wares to the shifty-eyed snickerers of Los Angeles (and by “wares” I mean armpit skin tags, uvula phlegm, and pinkeye crust).  Luckily, Joe has found temporary employment until this whole writing gig pans out.  But early last week, Joe was very nearly scammed by the stupidest fucking person on the planet.

Situation: I applied to a Personal Assistant job that was posted on Craigslist.  These types of jobs are posted all the time and are very often jobs assisting writers, producers and directors–not a horrible way to break into the business and/or make contacts.  A day after applying, I got a response for the job I applied for.  The guy responding said he was a business man of sorts that traveled out of the country often and needed an assistant to run errands, keep a schedule, do office tasks and other crap.  He offered $500 a week under the table, so I said, “hells yeah.” (in a high-girlish scream b/c I was very excited and no one was around to laugh at me.  To kick things off, he said to meet him on Yahoo Chat so we could go over the specifics and save on long distance (b/c he was currently in Australia on business).  Here is the conversation that ensued…

cpalmer17: hello

joek885: hi

cpalmer17: hey you

cpalmer17: Hiw are you doing there?

joek885: well…the weather has been crummy, but making the best of it

cpalmer17: That is good

cpalmer17: I am sure you understand all that is in the email

joek885: Yes, it seemed pretty straight forward

cpalmer17: That is good

cpalmer17: and when are you looking to start?

joek885: I’m free to start immediately, if you have work for me

cpalmer17: that isa great

cpalmer17: is

cpalmer17: sorry

cpalmer17: i had an internet problem

cpalmer17: You there?

joek885: yep

joek885: no problem, my internet gets spotty at times here

cpalmer17: That is kool

cpalmer17: so you are the only lucky one that i have chosen

joek885: excellent, I’m ready for whatever you’ve got

Note: YES, I realize this starts off sounding like he wants to have sex with me…

cpalmer17: That is great

cpalmer17: Actuallly you will be getting a check next week that consist your pay and the remaining money will be for the homepless people i told you about in the email

joek885: sounds good, just shoot me an email with the specifics and the address and I’ll take care of that

cpalmer17: That sounds okay

cpalmer17: Did you send me your details yet?

joek885: yes, emailed it this morning

cpalmer17: That sounds great

joek885: I hit on all the questions you mentioned in your email–just let me know if you need anymore information

cpalmer17: Its okay I will let you know

cpalmer17: You have a debit or credit card?

Note: At this point, I know that this asshole is trying to scam me.  As I continue to talk with this guy and play along, my buddy is busy researching his Craigslist ad and response email online.

joek885: yeah, I have a credit card

cpalmer17: I need you to do something for me

cpalmer17: I actually need 2 personal assistant

cpalmer17: one from LA, which is you and the other from Phoenix, Az

cpalmer17: so you can handle all the business in your district and the other person can do the business in his or her area

cpalmer17: You busy or feeling sleeping?

joek885: nope, not busy

cpalmer17: So i need you to make a post on craiglist for me so i can recruit the second personal assistant

joek885: sounds good, when do you need the posts done?

cpalmer17: By Wednesday Morning

cpalmer17: Can you get that done for me?

cpalmer17: You there?

joek885: Is there anyway you could Paypal me the money?  I definitely want to get started working for you, but I’m not sure my first task for you can be to purchase something with my credit card for you

cpalmer17: You will be reimbursed back and the ad is just for 25dollars

cpalmer17: you  will get your money back next week when you get your pay check

joek885: ok, I think that’s fair

cpalmer17: so you willing to do that for me?

joek885: yeah, I can get that done

cpalmer17: So you will do it and it should be posted in Phoenix, Arizona

joek885: got it

cpalmer17: Here is the email address they are to repsond to

cpalmer17: clockp115@gmail.com

cpalmer17: got that?

joek885: got it

cpalmer17: so as soon as you wake up kindly get it done and let me know when it is up and running and forward the confirmation email to me

joek885: k, first thing in the morning

cpalmer17: Kool

cpalmer17: you have a craiglist account?

joek885: nope, haven’t had to post on it

cpalmer17: ok so you have to register before posting

cpalmer17: i need the wordings to be unique and different from the ones online and the pay should be 500also

joek885: ok, do you want the details to be similar or different from the ad I responded to?

cpalmer17: it can be similar but very different but the message should be the same thing

cpalmer17: did you get the email address i just gave you noted down?

cpalmer17: clockp115@gmail.com

joek885: yep, got it jotted down–I’ll save this convo too, so I’ll have everything on file

cpalmer17: kool

joek885: do you have a copy of your original post on Craigslist?  Just want to take a look at it so I know what points to hit on

cpalmer17: no i deleted it since i got the response i needed

cpalmer17: you can get that off hand

joek885: got a quick question for you

cpalmer17: yes please?

joek885: do you know a Ronald Wilt?

My Initial plan was to confront him here.  My buddy found the EXACT SAME email that I received online.  I actually post the link in this conversation, so if you’re curious, you should check it out.  Ronald Wilt is the fake name that he used in the past scam.  I made a decision on the fly to fuck with this guy…and here’s what happens…

cpalmer17: No i dont know him

cpalmer17: why the question?

joek885: I think he could pose a small problem for the Craigslist ad…not sure to what degree though

cpalmer17: why that?

joek885: it seems that he’s been posting similar ads to yours on Craigslist and each of them are being flagged, so I’ll have to be careful how I word your post…I’ll have to be clever about it

cpalmer17: how did you know this?

joek885: don’t worry, I have my sources–the main thing is we gotta play it cool and get this ad up on Craigslist

cpalmer17: ok

joek885: so first off, I’ll get that post up

joek885: I’m going to email Ronald about this flagging issue and see what the deal is

cpalmer17: That is why you need to make the wordings very careful so it wont look like theres

cpalmer17: what deal?

joek885: His sly business that he has going

cpalmer17: sly business? explain better please

joek885: he’s obviously trying to shank people by scamming them with a fake ad, so I think we should contact him and shake him down a little–get in his face and get him to back off…show him what’s what, so to speak

cpalmer17: i see

cpalmer17: you got a lot of mind you know

joek885: indeed I do

joek885: I think we should both contact him though

joek885: i got his email from an ad response he sent a contact of mine

joek885: get him to stop this scamming business so honest business people like yourself can get down to brass tacks and get that bottom line bubbling like chilli on a Sunday

joek885: ronaldwilt63@yahoo.com

joek885: send him an email and ask him what’s up–I’m doing the same

joek885: he also seems to be sending out the EXACT SAME EMAIL you are in response to the craigslist ad

cpalmer17: i cant do that now but maybe when i get on my computer

cpalmer17: how come?

joek885: http://www.fraudwatchers.org/forums/showpost.php?s=45b1b5ca217a0ecb1025dd0119cbdda6&p=98847&postcount=20

On this link is THE EXACT EMAIL this moron used on me.  I thought this would be the end of the conversation, because I’m showing him I know it’s a scam.  But, if you haven’t figured this out already, he doesn’t know English that well, so he can’t sense the sarcasm in my writing.  How unfortunate for him…

joek885: this jackass is stealing your material

joek885: so we gotta figure out how to stop him

joek885: and fast

joek885: before your business ends up suffering

cpalmer17: so that is the link where you get the post from?

cpalmer17: i really appreciate this and i think i made the right choice by employing you from the many applicants i had

joek885: yes, you’re very lucky–I’m really good at doing internet research…quite possibly the best in the world, if i do say so myself

cpalmer17: Best in the world?

joek885: damn straight

cpalmer17: got to go now

cpalmer17: so make sure you get everything done asap

joek885: okay, I love you…stay in touch

cpalmer17: You Love who?

joek885: I love you, of course, you silly willy

cpalmer17: you kidding me?

joek885: hahahaha, yeah, I’m just jerk’n ur chain

joek885: I’m emotionless, essentially

joek885: like a robot, when I cry tears, they rust my metal face

cpalmer17: what?

joek885: water rusts metal

cpalmer17: hey talk to me and maybe we can do somethings together

joek885: not business, of course

cpalmer17: business

cpalmer17: how old are you please?

joek885: 34

cpalmer17: male or female?

joek885: female

cpalmer17: you got to be kidding me lol

cpalmer17: so what is the deal now?

joek885: well I was

joek885: the deal is, we have 48 hrs to make A LOT of money–but we gotta do things on the up and up

cpalmer17: so how do we do that?

joek885: I mean, fast cars, dirty women, and as much bubbly as we can fit in the trunk of the Escalade

cpalmer17: what do you do?

joek885: we floor it and when we hit the boarder, we ditch the car in a bush and shoot some fireworks off until the Federalies haul us off to prison

joek885: if you dig deep enough in a couch, you can find almost anything

cpalmer17: so you found me?

joek885: found you?

joek885: I found Ronny

joek885: we gotta GET EM

cpalmer17: i dont understand all you have been saying nit wit…

joek885: that hurts…I don’t love you anymore

joek885: so you’re originally from Canada, eh?

cpalmer17: yes

joek885: i got that craigslist post up already, btw

joek885: so you’re ready to go on that

cpalmer17: what are you talking about?

joek885: I put up the Craigslist ad like you wanted

joek885: I messed up the first one, so I had to put up a second one

joek885: so you owe me $50 now

cpalmer17: i thought i told you in the morning?

joek885: It’s scheduled to post in the morning

cpalmer17: what is the meaning of all this?

joek885: I

joek885: Scheduled

joek885: your

joek885: craigslist

joek885: ad

joek885: for

joek885: the

joek885: morning

joek885: and

joek885: you

joek885: owe

joek885: me

joek885: 50

joek885: bucks

cpalmer17: what is this?

joek885: this what you asked me to do

joek885: post the craigslist ad

joek885: so I do it

joek885: I good?

cpalmer17:  when it is up and running and started receiving response i will know its don

cpalmer17: done*

joek885: yeah, I gotcha–eating cherios and check’n the email…nice little wednesday afternoon ya got planned there in the land down under.

UPDATE:  This is not over yet.  Believe it or not, I have received a follow up email saying that I’ve done a good job and I’m being paid.  I HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FOR THIS IDIOT.  I have since responded and will post the results soon.  Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!