Two women I was frequently compared to while abroad:

1. Sarah Palin

THIS VIDEO IS OBVIOUSLY COMPLETED UNBIASED AND UNEDITED

When I was in Europe in 2006, my best friend accidentally picked up a strange Parisian man on the bus. He knew very little English, but upon realizing that we were American he began to passionately talk to us about Monica Lewinski. “Eh! American! Monica Lewinski, right? Bill Clinton? Monica LEWINSKI, right?” It was very strange, and resulted in him following the two of us to our hostel and asking my friend point blank for sex (“Sex, please? Sex? Monica… Lewinski?”).

The reason that I bring this up is because this time, three years later, there was not one single mention of our country’s favorite blue-dressed devil. Instead, the hated cultural female du jour seems to be Sarah Palin… who I like slightly less than Monica Lewinski. Upon hearing my voice, several different people on several separate occasions said “American! Sarah Palin!” AS THOUGH THAT WAS A LOGICAL JUMP. I mean, you don’t see me saying things along the lines of “Oh, German! Hitler!”, or “Oh, England. Simon Cowell!”

One time, I was also pulled aside by a guy at a bar and told that I was very nice, but that if he had to listen to me talk for 10 more minutes he was going to kill himself.

I asked why.

The answer? “Your accent. American. Sarah Palin.”

Yikes.

2. Audrina Patridge

My… brain… huuuuurts…

I was told twice that I looked like Audrina Patridge. Both times, this came IMMEDIATELY after admitting (and it IS an admission) that I live in LA.

For those of you who are lucky enough not to know who Audrina Patridge is… please avoid watching the video above. You don’t need that in your life. The world doesn’t need ANYONE who makes Ryan Seacrest look intelligent and sincere in comparison.

The part about this that really got me is that there is ABSOLUTELY NO RESEMBLANCE AT ALL between myself and Audrina Patridge. She is really tan and abominably thin and has weird tiger-striped highlights and the most annoying voice of all time. I look like I could be Edward Cullen’s cousin, enjoy all-you-can-eat pasta bars, have dark dark hair, and…

…a voice that makes European men want to kill themselves.

Maybe now I get the comparison after all.