Conferences Aren’t Cool Anymore

It used to be that conferences were awesome, cool affairs. Men in polyester suits would drink scotch and pat women on their derrieres.  They smoked inside and acted like titans of the most boring industries in the world. But it was cool. Like Madmen cool.

But now, conferences suck. Political correctness and better laws mean less smoking, drunkeness and sexual harrassment. Those were the ONLY cool things about conferences before.

Okay, there was also lots of cheating. Men taking their secretaries, or having one-night stands with women at the conference while their goodly wife was at home struggling to feed their five children, and have her husbands socks and underwear clean and put away for when he returned so he would have something to wear.

And this jerk was off smoking, drinking, and having all sorts of bad sex.

Cool.

By comparison, let’s look at today’s conferences. Cigarettes. No. Sexual harrassment. Not allowed. Drinking constantly at work. Frowned upon. Actually FROWNED upon! And no one seems to think it’s okay for married men to carry on sexual affairs with strange women on business trips. This is the real reason airlines are in trouble. No incentive to travel!

Today’s conferences are all power-point and useless swag. Today, instead of drunk, horribly wrong sex with a cigarette in your mouth, you get to watch a powerpoint presentation like “Cold-Formed or Hot-Rolled: The Best of Both Worlds” . All you have to show for your no-sex, sober day is an umber terrycloth headband saying IVETICA.COM and an awkwardly-shaped glossy coupon for 20 free minutes of “File Organization” by a document-management company located in India.

You want that??? Do you?

Then click HERE and I’ll see you at the conference!