Nickelodeon Rejects my Cartoon Idea: Stetson Bear

There are few hobbies of mine that I enjoy more than writing.  But if you got the drop on me in a darkened alley, pressed a lead pipe against the back of my head (because you don’t have an actual gun and you know that a pipe would easily fool me), and forced me to admit a second love besides writing, I’d have to say (while pissing my pants, because your pipe gun has scared the hell out of me) that I also love to draw.  It was a childhood dream of mine to be an animator for Disney or Nickelodeon.  Eventually, I learned that I was a much better writer than artist, but the flame is still burning inside of me to doodle and subject kids to my artwork.

I must confess that I recently submitted a cartoon idea to Nickelodeon.  Through various connections and blackmailing, I finagled my cartoon concept onto the oak desk of a suited decision maker at Nickelodeon.  Let’s call him “Mr. Negative”.  I submitted the idea six months ago and just today I received the rejection letter.  I’ll post the letter and my drawings and let you decide who the jealous asshole with no creative foresight is.

From the Desk of Mr. Negative:

Dear Joe K.

Although we here at Nickelodeon appreciate new ideas and always look toward the future of animation and creative innovation, we must reject your Animated Cartoon/Movie idea of Stetson Bear.

Mr. Negative Comment: This scene is sickening. No one wears ties like that, nor do businessmen use briefcases anymore.

Normally, I wouldn’t take the time to respond to an unsolicited request, but your execution was so particularly ludicrous that I feel I should take the time to explain why we would never allow your idea to air on any of our channels.

For one, Stetson Bear is a breach of trademarked material.  The Stetson company would never allow their brand to be associated with a bear that fed on the innocent citizens of Everythingishunkydoreyville.  Nor would they ever allow their brand to be shredded into strands and fed to unsuspecting children under the guise of “whole wheat spaghetti”.

Mr. Negative Comment: Bears do not defecate this much.

Stetson Bear also doesn’t seem very realistic to me.  He’s a bear, right?  Why the tie?  Why the briefcase?  I’ll let the Stetson hat slide because your title banks on that.  I’ll also excuse his mastery of the English language.  But the amount of holes in your cartoon series’ plot is really too much to get past.

Mr. Negative's Comment: Very shoddy drawing here. The babies aren't proportional and knife is out of alignment

Stetson Bear’s back story also is very sophomoric.  You wrote, “Stetson Bear fled the zoo after consuming all four of his trainers, a family of six, an ice cream stand man and a hubcap full of rainwater and rust.  He then took the train into town, rented an apartment and currently turns tricks.”  I don’t know ANYTHING about Stetson bear from that statement.  How can I grow attached to Stetson Bear?  I can’t.  Not with crappy writing like that.

Mr. Negative: This reminds me--you don't have any female characters in this series idea.

I won’t rule out Stetson Bear in the future.  But right now, as is, this idea is just a mess.  Perhaps if you were to develop it and change the name.  Good luck to you, Joe.  You’re on the right track.